Thursday, May 17, 2007

So, I took my final yesterday...

And it went well. I was able to answer the questions. Whether the answers were good enough I have no idea. I'm just glad to be done.

I had a very bad week studying for my final since the material we had to read was written so poorly. Vos and Ridderbos are brilliant theologians but their books are hard to get through. Vos is vague and it's hard to get his point. Ridderbos is repetitive and he drones on and on. He needed to be edited and I'm afraid that his translators won't do that because of their respect for his words.

Since I spent so much of my study time reading, I didn't spend enough time memorizing the specific passages that Gaffin focused on in class. And of course what was the focus of the test? The class notes. Taking finals drives me nuts!

One of the things that I'm frustrated about is that as seminary is getting harder and I'm getting older, it's becoming harder for me to persevere and I'm tempted to quit. I panicked the night before the test and wanted to just give up, walk away from seminary and just throw it all away but knew God wouldn't let me. I know that he has called me to this task and he will equip me for it. Every time I'm sure that I'm going to fail a test, he reassures me and the test is much easier than I thought it would be. I feel the weight of my unfaithfulness after each test. He is faithful but I am not. I know that he is teaching me to put my trust in him and not to lean on my own understand and yet I refuse to do it.

I'm stubborn, like my girls when I would try to feed them and they took the spoon out of my hand and wanted to feed themselves. They weren't ready and made a mess with the food but they wanted their independence. They wanted to be in control. They would have rather made the mess than get assistance from me even though it meant they were still hungry when they were done. It's time for me to get that I need to trust God to provide for my needs and he desires for me to continue learning his word from these wonderful men of God (even though they torture me each semester with the works of brilliant theologians who really should have hired a ghost writer).

I know and understand the lessons from Israel at the Red Sea -- that Israel watched as the Lord saved them (Exodus 14:13). I know and understand the lessons from Gideon and how God kept reducing the size of Gideon's army to demonstrate that their salvation was from the Lord. I get the lesson from Jericho that the battle belongs to the Lord. Yet, why can't it penetrate my heart that the Lord can work the same way in me that he did for Israel? And put my trust in him knowing that he has done it time and again throughout my seminary career.

Maybe this lesson has penetrated my heart and I will trust the Lord. Maybe. We will see in the fall when I have to take Ancient Church and the Epistles and Revelation.

3 Comments:

  1. Jim said...
    Ah, if you want a Systematic Theology that is both intelligent, readable, and Reformed, this is the one...

    http://www.lulu.com/content/278234

    I know the author--- SMART guy!

    ;-)
    michele said...
    Hmm, I'm not sure how to take your suggestion since it is an introductory theology book :-) I purchased the electronic versions. I'm going to read it and then force Sarah to read it when I'm done. She's thrilled, btw.
    Jim said...
    I hope you enjoy it. Keep in mind that it is for the most basic level of theological investigation.

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